August FAQ — Thinking About Empathy and the Team

One Friday each month, I dedicate the post to looking at some questions I have heard recently from developing leaders. Sharing those questions and my thoughts for them is a way for me to spread the information to as many leaders and future leaders as possible. If you have a question about leadership, or just a situation you would like some additional insight on, please email me at Effective Retail Leader. Let’s take a look at this week’s question.

For August we have a few questions that have come in. About a month or so ago, I shared several articles on the topic of empathy. After this series posted, many of you wanted to know how empathy shows up in real life. Not as a buzzword. Not as a corporate initiative. But as a skill you can use to balance accountability, grow your own career, and influence your team.

Here are three of the most common questions I heard:

Q1 (Store Manager): “I understand how empathy helps me connect with my team, but what do I do when empathy starts to feel like I’m excusing poor performance? How do I balance caring for people with holding them accountable?”

This is on a lot of people’s minds. Empathy feels soft to some leaders. They wonder if it means lowering the bar. But empathy and accountability actually go hand-in-hand. They’re not opposites.

It starts with expectation-setting. If you’re not clear upfront, then accountability always feels harsh later. Be specific about what the standard is, and keep reinforcing it. Then, when performance slips, begin with questions. That’s the empathetic move. What’s going on in your life? Talk to me about what’s happening. Listen. Understand the other person’s mindset.

From there, you can be direct. This is what I’m seeing. Here are my concerns. Your performance is not what it once was, and that can’t continue. But now that you understand what’s going on outside of work, you can build a plan together to get back to standard while working through life’s challenges.

That’s real empathy. You’re not lowering the expectation. You’re helping someone see the consequences of their actions, while also showing them they matter beyond the job. Most people get that. And when they do, they work harder because they know you see them as a person.

Empathy spreads, too. When people know you’re having these kinds of conversations, it builds trust. Others step up to help, because they see you’re handling it the right way. You can even make it a team effort—with permission—by asking others to support a struggling peer. That way the store improves together.

Q2 (Store Manager): “I want to grow into a district role one day. How do I practice empathy in a way that shows I’m ready for bigger responsibility, not just running my own store?”

This is the right way to think about growth. Results matter. But leaders also get promoted because they show they can scale beyond their own four walls. Empathy is a skill that proves you’re ready.

Start in your store. Practice empathy every day with your entire team. Show that you can balance care and accountability consistently. Then look for ways to influence beyond your direct reports. That’s when people notice.

One of the best signals is when your peers start reaching out to you. If you’re calling another store manager to share what’s worked for you, and asking how you can help them, that shows influence. If you’re the one on a team call who shares something practical—not in a look-at-me way, but in a way that’s useful—that shows maturity.

The balance is key. If you sound like you’re showing off, it backfires. But if people just see you naturally helping, it stands out in the right way. District managers and regional leaders pick up on that quickly. They start to realize you’re already leading beyond your store.

That’s how empathy scales. It’s not about recognition. It’s about being genuine and authentic in how you support others. And when you do that well, you’ll be seen as ready for more.

Q3 (District Manager): “As a multi-unit leader, I want to coach empathy into my store managers, but I don’t want it to feel like another ‘initiative’ they have to check off. How do I make empathy real for them so it sticks in their daily leadership?”

This is such an important question. The fastest way to kill empathy is to make it an initiative. If you tell your team, “We’re focusing on empathy this month,” they’ll roll their eyes. It feels fake. They’ll think it’s HR-driven and wait for it to fade.

The answer is to show it, not say it. Don’t announce empathy as a program. Just do it. Be consistent. Be authentic. When your store managers see the change in how you listen, how you coach, and how you visit stores, they’ll feel the difference. That’s when it sticks.

You can support it with resources, too. Share an article. Use one of your team calls to start a discussion. Say, “I read this piece, and it made me think about how we lead. What do you all think?” That feels developmental, not top-down.

Over time, empathy becomes part of the culture. It’s not something people “work on.” It’s just how you behave. Your team will pick it up because they experience it from you. When they feel the value, they’ll repeat it with their teams. And that’s how it grows—not as an initiative, but as a way of leading.

Summarizing it all

Empathy is not soft. It’s not a trend. It’s a leadership discipline. The strongest operators use it to balance accountability, expand their influence, and build cultures that last.

If you missed the full empathy series, you can find them here:

Beyond Caring: The New Rules of Empathetic Leadership

Empathy in Leadership: What Employees Expect in 2025

The Best Leaders Know Empathy Isn’t Optional

Read them with your own role in mind. Whether you’re leading one store or twenty, the skill is the same: connect with people, set clear expectations, and make empathy part of how you win.

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