The Best Leaders Know Empathy Isn’t Optional

Leaders often overestimate how good they are at being empathetic. Per the 2024 State of Workplace Empathy Report: A Game Plan, “55% of CEOs think they lead with empathy at work, but only 28% of employees and 22% of HR share that view.” [^1]

Empathy has become a growing topic of discussion in leadership over the past decade or two. It wasn’t like it was a new thing, but it was largely discussed as a soft-skill from HR training and development lumped in with other Lominger or Korn Ferry type competency models. Times have changed. Empathy is no longer a nice-to-have in leadership. It’s not a soft skill reserved for team builders or HR professionals. And it’s definitely not something you can choose to skip if you're more of a task-driven or results-focused leader. Empathy is the foundation for trust, connection, and influence. If you're serious about leading others, empathy isn’t optional.

Leadership is about achieving results through other people, and empathy is a requisite to mobilize, connect with, and engage others.” [^2]

Understanding What Empathy Really Means

Empathy is one of those words that often gets misunderstood or watered down. People tend to associate it with being overly emotional or soft. But real empathy isn’t about absorbing someone else’s feelings or fixing their problems. Rather, it’s about understanding what someone else is experiencing and responding in a way that’s thoughtful, appropriate, and human.

There’s a great point made in the Harvard Business Review article Empathy Is a Non-Negotiable Leadership Skill: empathy has emotional, cognitive, and behavioral components. That means it’s not just about feeling for others; it’s about understanding them and doing something with that understanding.

If you’ve read my previous pieces on The Benefits and Outcomes of Being an Empathic Leader, or Empathetic Leadership is Effective Leadership, you know I believe empathy isn’t just about reacting to hardship. Empathy is connection, communication, and leadership presence.

Empathy Begins with Your Mindset

If you’re waiting until someone’s in crisis to practice empathy, you’re missing the point. Empathy should be part of how you lead every day. Think of it as an Empathy Mindset. It's the way you approach conversations, observe behavior, and ask questions. You make the intentional choice to slow down and see people as people, not just as roles or results.

Here’s a simple Empathy Mindset framework you can use:

• Notice: Pay attention to behavior shifts, energy changes, or signs something’s off.

• Pause: Don’t rush into solving or giving advice.

• Ask: Lead with curiosity. “How are you doing today?” goes further than you think.

• Reflect: Consider how their situation might feel from their point of view.

• Respond: Offer support, adjustments, or simply your presence.

It’s not complicated, but it requires attention and intention. This is what separates reactive managers from emotionally intelligent leaders.

Three Ways to Practice Other-Focused Leadership

If empathy starts with mindset, it’s practiced through presence. These three leadership practices keep you grounded in being other-focused and they’re habits every leader can build.

1. Be Available

This doesn’t mean being always on or never saying no. It means being interruptible. If your team feels like you’re too busy or too rushed to engage, they’ll stop trying. And once they stop trying, the connection starts to erode. One thing that would always cause me to pause and evaluate myself was when someone on my team would say, “I know you have a ton going on and are really busy, but do you have a minute?” I always want my team to know I have time for them. The impression that I may be too busy is a sign that I may be losing the connection with them.

Being available is about signaling that people matter, not just projects. Whether it’s five minutes before a shift or a quick one-on-one, showing up is half the work of empathy.

2. Be a Listener

Listening sounds simple, but most leaders don’t do it well. It takes effort, focus, and discipline to listen in a way that actually helps someone feel heard. You may think you’re listening because you’re not interrupting or because you nod while someone is speaking. Active listening means giving your full attention and showing the other person that what they’re saying matters.

When someone on your team takes the time to speak with you, they’re doing it for a reason. If they walk away unsure whether you were actually listening, that moment becomes a missed opportunity and erodes trust. In past articles, I’ve shared that listening well means removing distractions and staying present. No need to overthink this. Stop checking email. Don’t try to address the problem too quickly. Let people speak without feeling like they’re being rushed.

Most people already know what they need to do. They’re not always looking for you to solve something. They’re looking to feel supported, understood, and respected.

If you want to lead with empathy, pay attention to how you listen. Not just when something goes wrong, but all the time.

3. Be Curious

Curiosity is the core of empathy. It invites understanding without judgment. When something seems off with a team member, or even when something goes really well, curiosity helps you explore the why behind the moment.

Ask things like: “What’s been on your mind lately?” “What was challenging about that?” “How did that feel for you?”

These questions don’t require deep emotional intelligence. They just require your attention and willingness to explore with someone. That kind of curiosity builds trust and connections.

Empathy in action is practiced through the questions we ask, the listening we do, and the quality of attention we give in elevating people and performance. It’s a non-negotiable.

Why It All Matters

Empathy builds better leaders because it builds better relationships. People will give more effort, more honesty, and more creativity when they feel seen and understood.

The best teams are built on connection. And connection only happens when leaders lead with empathy. As the HBR article reminds us, empathy isn’t a personality trait, but it is a learnable skill. Like anything worth learning, it takes practice and patience. But the rewards are lasting.

The Bottom Line

If you haven’t incorporated empathy into your leadership, you're leading without the full picture. And chances are, your team feels it. Empathy isn’t about fixing every problem or carrying everyone’s emotional weight. It’s about showing up, tuning in, and responding like a human. It’s about being present enough to know when someone’s doing great, and when they’re not.

The best leaders know, empathy is not optional.

How do you practice strengthening your empathy skills?

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[^1]: Harvard Business Review article “Empathy Is a Non-Negotiable Leadership Skill” by Palena Neale. 30 April 2025

[^2]: Harvard Business Review article “Empathy Is a Non-Negotiable Leadership Skill” by Palena Neale. 30 April 2025