Does Your Team Cast You as the Hero or the Villain?
Are you a hero or a villain in your team's stories?
Imagine one of your team members sitting down for dinner tonight after a long day. Their spouse or partner asks that standard, everyday question: "How was your day?"
The answer to that question often starts with you.
As leaders, we are part of our team’s mental health story, whether we realize it or not. Our actions and behaviors shape our team's work environment and its impact on their lives. Understanding our role means recognizing that our leadership doesn't end when the team member clocks out. It follows them home.
When they sit down at their table, are they eager to share a win, or are they waiting to dump a bucket of frustrations?
The Tale of Two Dinners
Let’s look at the contrast.
On one side of town, an associate is energized. They tell their partner, "My boss made me feel like I actually made a difference today. I had a really difficult customer situation, and they didn't hover. They let me handle it, then told me afterward they were proud of how I did. I feel like I’m actually getting good at this." That person is present at the table. They are successful. They are happy.
On the other side of town, the conversation is different. It’s a vent session. "My boss never seems to be satisfied. He doesn’t understand the reality of what we do on the floor. He expects us to do seven different tasks all at once and still somehow give perfect service to every customer. It’s impossible. I feel like a pawn on a chessboard, not a person."
That second scenario is what happens when we lead with an intensity that ignores human limits. Great leaders do not create mental health stress. The best leaders are aware of the impact they have on their team and their emotions. They understand that if they are the reason their team is dumping frustrations at home, they have failed to effectively lead.
The Risk of the Unknown
I have watched so many leaders approach every single day with an incredible amount of perceived risk. They walk into the store carrying the weight of a thousand "what if" questions: "What if I make a bad decision? What if I make a mistake? What if something goes wrong in one of my departments and I have to answer for why?"
You can drive yourself completely crazy thinking about those unknowns. When a leader is paralyzed by the fear of a mistake, the entire team feels that tension. It creates an environment where people stop offering real ideas and start guessing what the leader wants to hear just to avoid the friction.
The reality is that yes, something might go wrong. But as a leader, you have to take a step back and ask, “if it does, what does that really mean?" It might be frustrating. It might even be embarrassing. But the truth is, you have survived 100% of the situations that have come up so far. When you are comfortable with the unknown, your team becomes comfortable too.
Stay Grounded In Reality
One of the quickest ways to damage the mental well-being of a team is to ignore the reality of the work. Retail is full of too many metrics and shifting priorities. When we demand that a team member focus on seven different things at once, we aren’t holding them to high standards. We’re being unrealistic and ignoring the reality of the situation. There can be a fine line between pushing the team in a positive, developmental way and pushing too far. Usually, that line isn’t about the number of tasks, but about how the work is approached.
Pushing people to try new things, learn new ways, or take different approaches can feel uncomfortable. If you are providing the safe environment for them to work through that in their own way, they understand you have their back. Then, it’s not about hitting a number or getting more done, it is about helping them push through barriers they didn’t know they could.
The Measurable Power of Empathy
The impact of a connected, empathetic leader is measurable:
Engagement: 76% of people who work for an empathetic leader report they are fully engaged, compared to only 32% who work for a leader who lacks that connection. [1]
Retention: In our sector, 52% of workers have considered quitting because of mental health challenges.
Support: Only 48% of retail workers feel their employer provides adequate mental health support.
Empathy is the cornerstone of connection. A leader who is truly connected to their team understands how they feel and why. They listen to support, not just to fix. When your team feels understood, they share more. They trust you. They stop trying to be perfect and start bringing their whole selves to work.
Leadership Starts in the Mirror
To be the leader who is a positive story at the dinner table, you have to start with yourself. Influencing yourself is always step one. Look in the mirror and be honest. Are you modeling the behaviors you want to see? Are you demanding seven things at once because you are stressed about your own metrics? If you’ve made mistakes before, own it, and signal your change to a new approach.
We should always be looking for signs of mental weariness or burnout in our teams. But more importantly, we need to ensure we aren't the primary source of it. Take a breath. Accept that mistakes will happen. Realize that your role is to provide the support, tools, and environment where your team can thrive, not just survive.
What stories have you told about your bosses at the dinner table? How do you ensure you’re on the positive side of that now, as a leader of others?
Resources for Help
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. You can call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.orgin the U.S. and Canada. These services are free, confidential, and available 24/7. Sometimes making that first phone call is the hardest part, but it is also the most beneficial.
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[1] - This is the most important skill for a leader to have right now
[2] - New report reveals why retail workers are considering walking out in record numbers